One-Sentence Reviews: Spotify Top 50 In USA


Enjoyed writing one sentence reviews so much I’ve decided to give it another go. This time I’m looking at the top 50 tracks in America, according to Spotify.

Riptide by Vance Joy-A nice sweet song, but what’s the deal with the Michele Pfeiffer reference?

Five More Hours by Deorro feat Chris Brown-Hard to admit it, but Chris Brown is better than this.

Blessings by Big Sean/Drake-Big Sean has one of the worst flows ever, and Drake seems to have just stopped caring.

Throw Sum Mo by Rae Sremmurd with Nicki Minaj-It’s bad news when Nicky is the least annoying thing about your song.

Dear Future Husband by Meghan Trainor-Oh my goodness this poor bastard.

Outside by Calvin Harris and Ellie Goulding-Can’t come close to “I Need Your Love.”

Heartbeat Song by Kelly Clarkson-I’m a super secret Kelly Clarkson fan, but I don’t think this is very good.

I Really Like You by Carly Rae Jepsen-I doubted she actually used the word “really” 53 times in this song, but I was wrong.

7/11 by Beyoncé-Like a 7/11 store, this song seems to be everywhere but I don’t understand why it’s anywhere.

Only by Nicki Minaj with Drake and L’il Wayne-Drake eating Nicki’s ass like a cupcake actually sounds more pleasing than the horrible beat this song uses.

Bang Bang by Ariana Grande, Jessie J and Nicki Minaj-How in the world is this song still popular?

I’m Not The Only One by Sam Smith-I prefer Sam when he’s ripping off Tom Petty.

Lay Me Down by Sam Smith and John Legend-Hey, Mr. Popular again.

Stay With Me by Sam Smith-There it is.

I Don’t Mind by Usher with Juicy J-Honestly thought this song was by iLOVEMAKKONEN until I looked at this list.

Chains by Nick Jonas-The good news: it’s better than any Jonas Brothers song.

Centuries by Fallout Boy-That this isn’t Maroon 5 is mind blowing.

Love Me Harder by Ariana Grande and The Weeknd-Wait…a pop song about sex?????

Elastic Heart by Sia-Sounds like a lazy version of “Chandeliers”

Bitch Better Have My Money by Rihanna-Um, ODB called and he is not happy.

Legend by Drake-If you’re reading this, please turn the song off.

I Don’t Fuck With You by Big Sean amd E 40-I feel the same way about this song.

10 Bands by Drake-I think I could easily name 10 songs by The Band I’d rather listen to than this.

Post To Be by Omarion-I’ve never missed B2K more in my life.

Lean On by Major Lazer and Mø-I wouldn’t listen to it by choice, but this isn’t horrible.

Worth It by Fifth Harmony-Made for TV band with an All Saints vibe sounds awful as Hell.

One Last Time by Ariana Grande-Oh how I wish it were.

I Want You To Know by Zedd featuring Selena Gomez-The most easily forgettable song of the year.

King Kunta by Kendrick Lamar-Absolutely brilliant song. 

Ayo by Chris Brown and Tyga-Nelly is rolling over in his grave.

Truffle Butter by Nicki Minaj, Drake and L’il Wayne-A delicious idea they let spoil.

Energy by Drake-All his new material actually gets worse with every listen.

Talking Body by Tove Lo-I always think this song is by Robyn, but like, a Robyn parody.

Take Me To Church by Hozier-The only way Hozier is taking me to church is if we’re going to this songs funeral.

Stole The Show by Kygo-Perfect for the music fan that thinks “Safe And Sound” is too cerebral.

Time Of Our Lives by Pitbull and NeYo-Like “Timber,” except way worse.

Know Yourself by Drake-The most boring song to listen to while runnin’ through the six.

Somebody by Natalie La Rose-Like the duet between Whitney Houston and the Harlem Shake guy that we were robbed of a few years ago.

Shut Up And Dance by Walk The Moon-Proof that the Matchbox Twenty formula works.

Want To Want Me by Jason Derulo-This guy makes really catchy, wholly forgettable pop.

Where Are Ü Now by Jack Ü-The EDM version of One Direction.

GDFR by Flo Rida-Didn’t get enough of the Dougie in 2011, here ya go.

Love Me Like You Do by Ellie Goulding-Fifty shades of meh.

FourFiveSeconds by Kanye West, Rihanna and Paul McCartney-Four or five seconds is about as long as I can listen to this garbage.

Sugar by Maroon 5-The best Michael Jackson song of 2015.

Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran-Finally a Bryan Adams for the Milennials.

Uptown Funk by Mark Ronson and Bruno Mars-So great for the first few months, but sweet Jesus make it stop.

Earned It by The Weeknd-Makes sense that this is from a movie about BDSM because this is some cruel punishment.

Trap Queen by Fetty Wap-Beats by meh.

See You Again by Wiz Khalifa-The hook by Charlie Puth sounds great, can’t say the same for the rest of the song.