A message to readers: the following is a review of my time on the Norwegian Pearl over four days at sea. The scene was Ice Cream Floats: A Cruise, presented by Modest Mouse in partnership with Sixthman and Norwegian Cruise Line. I’ll be talking about the ship, the food, the music, and everything else, so strap in and get comfy.

I should start by saying I am actually not a huge Modest Mouse fan. They’ve got some bangers, for sure, but not one of my favorite bands. However, they are my partners favorite band of all-time, so when this cruise was announced it was settled pretty quickly that we would go. Others in the lineup, like Portugal. The Man, Mannequin Pussy, and David Cross were more interesting to me. I should also say that the idea of being out to sea with no land or even visible landmarks was, for whatever reason, a big existential fear of mine. We loaded up on every kind of motion sickness medicine you can think of, and packed enough for probably ten people (it was just the two of us).

We flew down to Miami from O’Hare the day before the cruise. Got in early so we could have plenty of time in case our flight was delayed. Spent our afternoon in Little Havana, which is a great area if you’ve never been. Great food and ambiance. A cigar store on every corner and chickens walking around like they own the place. We went to a place called Sanguich and it was amazing. Never had a guava and cream cheese milkshake before, and now I can’t imagine drinking any other kind!

There was a shuttle from the hotel to the port that cost $12 per person. A steal considering the shuttle from the port back to the airport was $27.50 per person (we hopped in a taxi which was basically the same price, but private and didn’t have to wait for a bus to fill up). We made it to the ship in about 15 minutes from the hotel, and the size of the Pearl, a small vessel compared to most in Norwegian’s fleet, was staggering. Cruise ships have always seemed impossible to me, but here it was in the flesh, or steel as it were, floating on the water-all 965 feet of her.

The Pearl holds over 3,000 people (including crew), features a big, beautiful theater, a casino, and a small but welcoming atrium, a couple lounges, a huge bar area, a few restaurants that are free to all cruisers, and a couple higher-class eateries if you want to get fancy and spend a little more for a real dining experience. One of the pools was covered over to form the pool deck stage area, where the bigger shows would take place. The hot tubs were open, and there was a Starbucks and Sky Bar to satisfy any beverage needs out there.

I should say here, Norwegian does their best to have things take place in a controlled environment. We had to reserve a time to show up ahead of our arrival, which I found to be completely pointless, as all we did was go through security and then sit and wait for a couple hours for them to start boarding the ship. It was like reserving a time to show up at the airport. Dumb.

However, they did do a good job of calling groups and getting everyone sorted so there wasn’t a big holdup once your group was brought in. Once we were inside the ship, around 1pm or so, we had a couple hours to kill before Modest Mouse would hit the stage-or so we thought.

A few weeks before the cruise, the schedule was released to help you plan your stay. Two sets by Modest Mouse (one, a fan-chosen sail away set as we set off, and the other The Moon & Antarctica in its entirety). Two sets of comedy from David Cross, two by Mannequin Pussy, three from Tropical Fuck Storm, two from Portugal. The Man, like 8 by Built To Spill, etc. There were also a bunch of interactive events hosted by bands (Austin Powers trivia with Mannequin Pussy, for example). This was a great way for us to come up with a plan.

This schedule was proven useless before we even boarded. An email went out the morning before we got on saying that some inclement weather was headed our way, so the Modest Mouse set would be earlier than scheduled and everything else would be indoors the rest of the day. Disappointing to be sure, but we still didn’t know the full extent of havoc the curse of the Pearl would bring.

We booked an interior room, which was the cheapest option. No windows, but there’s a bed and a bathroom, so it’ll work. Small, but cozy and my partner thought to bring hooks to hang up some of our stuff so it was easy to grab what we needed. If you’re traveling on a budget, this room was fine. We had heard a lot of people bring little fans with them because the interiors get too warm, but we didn’t have this issue. Maybe because we were cruising in February rather than the summer months. I would say skip the fan-what a hassle to carry a fan around while traveling.

We grabbed a quick lunch at O’Sheehan’s. It’s a nice Irish Pub-style restaurant that’s open 24 hours and acts as the social point, as it’s located above the atrium in the middle of the ship. Good burgers, really good nachos, and late night they put out some chafing dishes with hot dogs and other snacks. Ate here a few times throughout and had no complaints (other than the mozzarella sticks that didn’t have any cheese in them).

After that, it was time to head to the pool deck for the sail away performance by Modest Mouse. We walked through the Garden Café to get out there and it was already pretty packed, as you would expect. We found a spot next to the pool, a bit further back but with a good view of the stage. The ship exploded with cheers as the band took the stage, but those cheers quickly turned to collective confused “huh?” when Isaac got up to the mic. He said “I gotta silver line the fuck outta this shit.” He went on to explain that with the weather the ship captain thought it best that they not perform at this time, and so they would play a few songs acoustic and then the actual performance would be at a time tba.

This was a disheartening way to start the MODEST MOUSE cruise, but as I looked at it, you got a few songs you probably weren’t gonna get, and then you still get the fan-voted performance later on. Throw out your schedules and start over again.

Here’s my first gripe with Sixthman and their lack of communication. They could’ve made an announcement over the PA about this ahead of time. Not everyone on the ship pays for the internet package (we didn’t because it’s like paying for two months of internet for four days), so sending an email blast out to all cruise goers wouldn’t be that helpful. At other times there would be a change in the schedule with only a few minutes notice. It got better over the course of the cruise, but a company that’s been doing this for 25 years should be on top of all the scheduling issues.

So day 1 continued. Modest Mouse played a great set of acoustic songs that included the following:

1. Out Of Gas
2. Baby Blue Sedan
3. Dogbed/Sheetrock
4. Remember Yourself
5. Here’s To Now
6. Wooden Soldiers

We left and explored the ship some more. Checked out the sports area, where they have a little chipping target practice thing, a basketball court, even a climbing wall. Eventually we made our way around to the casino and saw a line forming. Figured out pretty quickly that it was for Built To Spill and we hopped in the queue.

They were playing in the Stardust Theater and this venue was way bigger than I expected and it filled up pretty well for the first full act of the festival. I’ve never been a big Built To Spill fan, but the sound was great and they were firing on all cylinders from the drop. It was clear from the first note that the only BTS that mattered on the Pearl was the man from Boise, Idaho and his band.

We sat up top and to the side in the theater and it was one of the more comfortable theater seats I’ve experienced. It wasn’t an AMC Dolby theater recliner, but it was really nice. The theater stays pretty cool, and you’ll definitely feel the boat moving a bit, but if you don’t enjoy what’s on stage you could easily take a little nap in the dark.

After that we stopped into Summer Palace, which is the free table-service restaurant on the ship. You can order as many appetizers and desserts as you like, and one entrée. If you order more main dishes it’s $5 per, so we ordered a couple apps and a couple desserts each time. The food was good, but we agreed that the desserts were the real standout here. I got a honey almond crême brulée that was amazing.

We considered a drink at the martini bar and decided against, and then made our way up to the atrium for the final performance of the night (for us), Mannequin Pussy. I’ve written about them before, but I’ll tell you again-great band! I Got Heaven was one of the best albums of 2024, and their performance at Pitchfork that year buzzed so hard I could feel it in my teeth.

They did not disappoint. Marisa Dabice is a supremely talented frontperson, bringing all the anger and rage it takes to play their style of music, while also being funny and charming. They do a wonderful job connecting with audiences and this performance was no different. The atrium filled up and people were jumping and screaming along like they had no idea they were hurdling toward the Dominican Republic on a 10,000 ton hunk of steel at 30 miles per hour.

I found more appreciation for Maxine Steen’s guitar work during this performance, despite the sound in the atrium being ok but not great. Something about her tone reminds me of Jeff Beck and she creates a really cool sound. And then of course there’s Colins Regisford on bass, who takes over the last couple songs and turns the whole thing into a crazy punk show. Fortunately a lot of like-minded individuals on the cruise were in agreement on his “Fuck ICE” stance. The energy during this segment of the show is off the charts and I love it.

Their whole set was fantastic and I’m so glad they played twice because once just wasn’t enough.

On the way back to our room I saw Isaac chatting to some fans on the steps outside the elevator. One of the perks of a cruise like this is that you’re constantly seeing the artists that are performing milling around, grabbing a drink at the bar or grabbing a dessert late-night before bed. We must’ve seen David Cross fifty times a day going to and fro enjoying his vacation in between his sets.

Sleeping on a cruise seems like it should be weird, but it was pretty easy for us. The mattress was very firm, the pillows very soft, and the comforter just right. The pathways are narrow, so getting to the bathroom in the middle of the night can be a bit awkward.

Day 2 didn’t start in earnest until around 10am, so we were able to sleep in and get our bearings a bit. Our first event was Bingo with David Cross. You could buy bingo cards for $50 (up to $179) and win cash prizes. I thought the pricing was a bit insane, so we skipped paying and just sat and watched. That was enjoyable enough as crew member Lester hosted and called the numbers and did an absolute bang up job. He was hilarious and gave Cross plenty of opportunities to crack jokes as he played along with the crowd.

If I’d known ahead of time how much cash was on the line if you win, I may have bought the cards. The lowest winner was $900+ and it got up to, I think, $1500. It was 3 rounds and lasted an hour. They also had special goody bags that they gave away to people who were one away from a bingo. They were given away arbitrarily by Cross, as he asked things like “of those standing who has a Euro on them?” Depending on the celebrity guest, this can be a good time. I had fun.

We went to the Spinnaker Lounge to make masks for the Freak Parade happening later that evening. They had all kinds of decorations you can use and I made one despite not being artistically talented in any way. However, we forgot our masks in our room later and didn’t attend the Freak Parade.

Headed back to the room to drop off the masks and caught our steward dropping off some gifts to the room across from ours. We opened up our door and saw a couple very nice little boxes with the festival design on them. Opened it up to see a Modest Mouse-branded viewfinder with a reel of Isaac Brock’s personal photos. A delightful little gift from the band to commemorate our trip.

The postcard in front is actually a playable record! So fun!!

At 3pm we were back in the Stardust Theatre for Mouse Stardust Theater 3000, where Isaac Brock was going to heckle a movie MST3K-style. The movie was The Devil’s Advocate from 1997 starring Keanu Reeves and Al Pacino. Not a great movie, but one I enjoy for its weirdness. This is not a film Isaac enjoys. In fact, from his commentary he’s seen it four times and never paid attention.

This is my second complaint geared toward Sixthman: mandating the artists do events even when they absolutely do not want to do them. It was crystal clear about ten seconds into this that Isaac had no interest in being there. He mumbled his way through a bit, said he was going to be leaving before the end, and got up to take a bathroom break and a smoke break in the first hour.

We had to leave before the end because there was another event starting, but this was not worth the hour and a half we invested. However, Mannequin Pussy hosting Austin Powers trivia was perfection. They were told they had to do a trivia event, picked something they loved, and made it great! Marisa and Maxine showed up, had sound effects and a ton of questions prepared for us, and made it a lot of fun.

Marisa was obviously the leader on this one, even bringing her own Austin Powers memorabilia as prizes for first and second place. We did not win, but it was awesome to hear her go on about how much she loves the Austin Powers film franchise and her history with it.

If you’re traveling as a twosome, as we were, be prepared to get coupled with others because they have a 4 person minimum to play. We got hooked up with Marty and Brie from Phoenix. Nice people and big Mannequin Pussy fans like us. And they had recently watched the films so they had some answers we would have never got without them.

We wanted to be a bit closer for the Modest Mouse set so we grabbed a quick bite and went out to the pool deck. Got a spot on the astroturf covering the bigger pool that they turned into concert acreage, and waited around. Filled in fast, as you’d imagine, and before too long the band was on stage.

They came out guns blazing with “March Into The Sea” followed by “Dramamine.” Two nautically-themed jams to kick us off, and I started to wonder if the fans hadn’t just voted for all the wet songs Modest Mouse has (which could easily fill 90 minutes). After that Isaac took to the mic to talk about the fan voting, which he thanked us for making his life easy for picking all the songs that they play all the time anyway. He said “You low-hanging fruit motherfuckers” and away they went on what turned out to basically be a greatest hits set.

I know this has ruffled some feathers amongst the Modest Mouse diehards who wanted to hear more deep cuts. And they’re gonna hate me for saying this, but I think it was the best set I’ve heard them play. They sounded great, they played with good energy, the crowd was maybe not at a ten, but you’re on a giant boat with your favorite band. You didn’t miss it!

This was, I think my fifth time seeing them live post-Covid. Not counting that short set the day before, of course. And I’ve never heard Isaac more focused than he was in this performance. I think that had a lot to do with this being HIS time and not the cruise management dictating what he was supposed to do. Not to mention it was an hour and a half of straight bangers.

March Into The Sea

Dramamine

Never Ending Math Equation

Bury Me With It

Cowboy Dan

Bankrupt On Selling

Talking Shit About A Pretty Sunset

Float On

Sleepwalking

Bukowski

King Rat

Trailer Trash

Missed The Boat

Ocean Breathes Salty

Edit The Sad Part

Spitting Venom

While we were getting dinner at the table-service restaurant, an announcement over the PA system was made that “Story Time” with Isaac was being postponed until a time to be determined later. Was supposed to be at 1130pm and the postponement wasn’t announced until almost 10. Bad communication.

Went back out and got a spot near the back for Portugal. The Man’s first set of the cruise. Can I just say, there was a long period of time, maybe a decade almost, where I thought PTM had kinda lost their mojo. This latest album they put out, SHISH? Shhhheeeeeeeeeessshhhhhh! Crazy good. Maybe their best ever, time will tell. I saw them back in November and the set was fantastic. This set on the cruise, also terrific.

Heavy. They get into some almost metal/punk spots where it’s hard to believe it’s the same guy writing this stuff. Insanely cool, though. First time in a long time I actually felt bad for having to run to take a piss during a set because I didn’t want to miss anything.

Now, this was the end of night 2, right? Everyone’s getting more comfortable around people and getting a lot more drunk. The hot tub was already turning into a quarantine zone as far as I was concerned. I look over, they’re out there mooning each other and flashing their tits like it’s Mardi Gras. People who, no offense, are in their 30’s and 40’s and should be cognizant of the fact this cruise isn’t theirs alone. If I wanted to see a 6 take their top off I’d get on OnlyFans.

I didn’t realize I booked myself on the nude cruise-thought that was next week.

The drunkenness only got worse from here, but mostly it was a little annoying and not enough to ruin the cruise. They offer an unlimited alcohol package, and it seems that people were taking full advantage of it.

I got the soda package and felt like Tony Montana with all the coca-coca-cola I was doing.

We decided to grab a burger before bed at O’Sheehan’s. It was here that we had our only two real interactions with fellow cruisers. When we sat down, the gentleman at the table next to ours lit up and said he had seen me earlier and couldn’t be sure the jersey I had on was what he thought it was. Turns out, he had the Los Campesinos! “DOOMED” logo tattooed on his wrist and I was wearing their limited edition jersey.

We had a nice chat about the band and just after they left we got into another convo with the people on the other side of us who were well-traveled cruisers who had been on 20 cruises over the years.

In their opinion, Sixthman does a great job. They picked up tickets to this cruise on the cheap because all the staterooms didn’t sell and they were on the Rock Boat that the Pearl had previously hosted. They were on day 10 of a 12-day journey which, as much as I enjoyed it for a few days, more than a week doesn’t sound all that appealing.

Day 3 we docked in Puerto Plata, Dominican Republic. Got off the boat for a few hours, laid in a hammock for a while. A note to those who take a cruise and hit the beach or pool somewhere: when you’re applying your sunscreen, remember that the hands you used to rub the lotion on are connected to your arms and those also need sunscreen. I somehow forgot and ended up with two bright red limbs hanging from my torso.

We got back to the ship about an hour before we pushed off to start the trip back to Miami. Tried to get a view of them undoing the ropes and all that, but couldn’t really see anything other than the crew putting the little ramp back on the ship.

The getting off and getting back on was quick and easy. They let you check out some towels to take with you, just be sure to bring them back or you’ll be charged.

Made it back to our room to change for the rest of the day and found another little treat on our bed-a signed poster from Isaac. We each got one, which was great and I’ll show you why in a bit…

The award for windiest performance goes to Kurt Vile and the violators, who were tasked with playing in the pool deck as we took off. It was a gale-force to be reckoned with, and Kurt looked like he was ready to shave his head rather than deal with the weather.

It’s like he said, “It’s always fuckin’ something.”

Honestly didn’t stick around for this one too long. The wind was just too strong.

Mannequin Pussy’s second set was starting soon so we walked through the Garden Café and grabbed some quick food before heading to the Stardust Theater. We got down pretty close-maybe sixth row, stage right, but on the aisle. The people in the two rows in front of me stayed seated for the first couple songs, so I also remained seated.

The idea of sitting for a show like Mannequin Pussy seems wrong, but after two exhausting days and then being in the sun for a handful of hours, I couldn’t complain. The group behind us also remained in their chairs, even after I eventually got up and started moving to the music. After a while most of the people still sitting got up and left and made room for people to dance.

We walked around a while trying to find a good spot to watch Ugly Casanova’s set-their first official gig in over 20 years. Isaac came out in a beekeeper outfit that made its first appearance near the end of PTM’s set the night before. If I’m completely honest, I knew none of these songs. I was mostly excited to watch someone play the saw, and they did and it was great.

Certainly not my favorite set of the fest, but not bad. I got to hear some stuff that was completely new to me, which I like. It’s a bit more jammy and disorganized than the controlled chaos of Modest Mouse. Probably wouldn’t pay to see them on their own, but it was nice to be a part of history.

We went down to the martini bar to check out some of the Modest Mouse & Friends DJ set. Got a couple espresso martinis that were delicious. Saw David Cross walk back and forth another million times. Music was good, deep 80’s synth rock and other more dancey stuff too.

Sunday, the final day of the cruise, was jam packed. We started with a nice breakfast and then onto the first of two autograph sessions. Sixthman got everyone to head into the Bliss Lounge, located just above Summer Palace. They had people take a number and it wasn’t until 25 minutes or so into the allotted hour that they had people start lining up. Not very well run, but after a while everyone got in.

We wanted to get Portugal. The Man’s signatures, and I especially wanted to say hello and thank you to John Gourley for responding to my review of their show so graciously. We had a very quick chat about the circumstances that led to SHISH and we shook hands like gentlemen. Everyone in the band was very sweet, talking to us about their time in Chicago when they had to go buy new Crocs during their downtime.

David Cross was at the end of the same table signing autographs. However, he had a sign up say that his voice was hoarse and he wanted to save it for the comedy show, so he wasn’t talking. I told him I was glad he chose to take care of himself and he signed an autograph for me.

Might have been best that he didn’t talk because I may have peppered him with questions about Run Ronnie Run for twenty minutes. That or begged him to yell “You put that goat down!” as my friends and I must’ve done a bajillion times after watching that movie.

PTM’s second set got moved up to an earlier time, as did most of the Sunday schedule in order to accommodate the Modest Mouse set that had been postponed. So at around 1:45 they took the pool deck over and delivered a beautifully curated set of songs. A big shock, they pulled out The Satanic Satanist to play in full. I’m not sure they’ve ever done that before and it was awesome.

As I stated earlier, I’m 100% back in on Portugal. The Man and seeing them do two very different sets on this cruise was a big highlight.

It was a scramble after the last notes of PTM rang out. Mannequin Pussy was at the autograph session and David Cross’s standup set was about to start. We decided to run for it and get the autographs before heading to the Stardust. And a good thing we did-despite having a full half hour before the session was supposed to end, the crew was telling people to hurry up.

They were all really nice and after we found seats at the comedy show, we saw them walk in and take some seats around us. Cross was funny, but you could tell his voice was bothering him. This was my third or fourth time seeing him and my least favorite. Still, I would see him again as I’ve been a fan for most of my life.

This being the 25th anniversary of The Moon & Antarctica, people were stoked to hear it in full. I was under the impression that they would play the album and then throw in a few others at the end, but that turned out to not be the case.

They went on late, which at this point I think was expected by any cruise goer paying attention over the course of the festival. I think the start time made the set feel a little odd. Late afternoon is usually reserved for a sub-headliner and some people just weren’t ready to rock out yet. Also, the malaise of being at the end of the cruise may have been hanging heavy on the crowd.

Still, Modest Mouse sounded great. It’s not my favorite album of theirs, but they were playing at a high level (but not quite at the same heights as the greatest hits set). Isaac had a great bit where he asked for a pair of sunglasses and a bunch of fans tossed their sunglasses at him. He put on a pair and played the next song, then asked for a different pair because he didn’t like those. He’s a funny guy.

I assume they set their final show a little earlier so that people could watch the Super Bowl. I went and watched the game until after Bad Bunny’s halftime performance. What a clusterfuck.

When the halftime show started, the volume was, for some reason, turned DOWN??? Everyone was screaming “TURN IT UP!!!” and they never did. So we basically watched Bad Bunny’s performance, which looked wonderful, but could barely hear anything. Very disappointing.

My partner participated in the final offering of yoga during the game, which she really enjoyed.

We went and started to pack up, as they want you out of your room and ready to disembark by 8am. Got mostly done before we needed to make our way to the final performance of the festival, Tropical Fuck Storm.

These Aussies play so hard and loud it is almost unbearable in the best way possible. I had seen them once before at a tiny club and I don’t think I could hear for about a week after. They played this set at Spinnaker Lounge, which has a ton of seating and very small stage area. Definitely the most eardrum-piercing set of the cruise.

We got back to our room and finished up some packing. And then, just around 11pm, an announcement over the PA. This time it was Isaac, finally fulfilling his promised Story Time. He and his friends played some music, he read from a gardening book, and sang us a lullaby. It was very sweet and would have been wonderful if our speaker in the room worked.

Instead we were standing with the door open so we could hear the speaker in the hallway. Near the end, a group of a few drunk people walked by making all kinds of noise and not paying any attention whatsoever to what was happening. Very rude. Not at all demure.

We went to bed, exhausted from four days at sea. Set an alarm to try to get up and catch the last sunrise of the trip-woke up and we were already docked in Miami. Oh well.

Had a nice breakfast at the Great Outdoors Café, which basically has all the Garden Café stuff but it’s outside so you have a nice view. Enjoyed some coffee and eggs looking at the Miami skyline and then made our way to the disembarkation point located on deck 7.

Just like getting on the ship, leaving was smooth and easy. Show your little card you were given upon arrival, yours to keep as a souvenir, and you’re good to go. Step off and return to your sad reality.

Overall, I was impressed with the staff and their ability to keep things moving. The food was good and plentiful, everything was clean and well-maintained, and they were all very polite.

I’m happy to say I was wrong about cruising and I had a great time. The fear of getting seasick was easily handled by wearing a patch behind my ear that lasted for 72 hours. Only needed two for the whole cruise, so if you need any anti-nausea meds, hit me up.

I would highly recommend a cruise to anyone considering it, but still on the fence.