Top 10 Disappointments Of 2015

  

10. Seeing The Rolling Stones-In hindsight I probably should’ve just let the myth live in my imagination. The greatest rock and roll band of all-time (in some minds) playing their biggest hits right in front of me! Well, after an opening slot by Rascal Flats in which they covered Hozier’s “Take Me To Church” in a medley of what I assume were RF originals. I could be wrong though, it may have been the lead singer re-enacting the sounds his favorite cow made when Pa sent it to the slaughterhouse.

By the time Mick and the gang came out I was kinda over it. Then they launched into a phoned-in 2 hour set of classic Stones jams being played by what can only be considered the greatest Rolling Stones cover band ever. Mick could barely catch his breath during “Gimme Shelter” and Keith didn’t seem to pay much attention until it was his turn to sing “Before They Make Me Run.”

 

9. Dead Weather-I was feeling pretty good about Jack White’s current role in popular music:idolized by some, respected by most, hated by a few. He ended his last tour saying he was going on a long break, and then BAM! A new Dead Weather record. I wasn’t a huge fan of the first two albums, but they were better than this garbage.

8. Viet Cong-Congrats gents, you made a pretty good record that I’ll probably never listen to again. Look, when someone asks you about your name, just say “We like the name so screw it!” Do not say well we didn’t really know the origins of the term Viet Cong or “we never meant our name to be provocative or harmful.” It’s ignorant and makes you look foolish. At this point I feel like a name change is the only possible solution. Maybe something like Benevolent Leader or Chairman Cow.

7. Drake’s bad records-When If You’re Reading This, It’s Too Late came out, a lot of people were convinced that it was a song dump released to satisfy his contract and free him from the shackles of his label. Initially met with a lot of criticism, that backlash gave way to a kind of acceptance. Many fans have even called the tracks “some of his best work.” SHUT UP! Everything Drake has put out this year: the full-length, the Future collab, goddam “Hotline Bling” have all been awful and a huge step backward for the Toronto rapper/singer/talker/horrible dancer.

6. The Frank Ocean Wait-Like every other human on the planet I’ve been waiting for the follow-up to channel ORANGE for what feels like forever. Ocean himself got the buzz started posting ominously about July. Now December, and still no Frank Ocean record. There has been some talk of a new track called “White Ferrari” dropping soon, but will it be enough?
5. Sam Smith’s Bond Theme-What a waste of time listening to this turd. I mean, I knew it was going to suck when I found out Sam Smith was doing it, but holy crap! There have been some not-so-great Bond themes in the past, but this one takes the cake.

4. Tidal-Everyone wants a piece of the streaming pie, I get that. I really do. But to bring around a conglomerate of some of the highest paid entertainers and say “We deserve to be paid for our work!,” um…yeah you kind of already do. Madonna, is the money from Tidal really enough to even notice? Jay Z, Beyoncé, Coldplay? Y’all been getting paid for years. Why not develop a new platform like Bandcamp that ACTUALLY helps struggling musicians make money? You know what? Nevermind. Bandcamp already does that so I’m just gonna go spend a year’s worth of your subscription money on independent artists.
3. Jamie xx-Ok, so remember that first the xx album that was amazing? And the second album that wasn’t amazing but was still ok? Take that, but remove any kind of compelling sounds or themes and you’ll have jamie xx’s solo record In Colour. It’s enough to make me wanna stab q-tips in my ears just to make it interesting. How this steaming pile keeps coming up on year-end best lists is beyond me.
2. Nathaniel Rateliff and the Night Sweats-I dig Nathaniel Rateliff. His solo stuff is really great and I think he’s an interesting dude. Even this record isn’t BAD, there’s just something missing for me. It feels like a stab at trying to get in with The Alabama Shakes scene which also feels a little false. I know some people really love this, but I’m not buying in.
1. Montage of Heck: The Home Recordings-You know what’s great? That when an artist dies we can go through all the crappy demos and stuff they never meant anyone to hear and release them so everyone can tear apart their horrible version of a Beatles song. Maybe the idea came from a good place, but I can’t imagine Kurt would have wanted this.

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